WAITING TO EXHALE

The past 3 to 4 months , i went on exhile yeah it was fun , sad and depressing as the same time. i went to mexico ohh yeah about that.
MMMMMh lets start with mexico , we got on a road trip with my cuzs and close friends . we got into a svu and droved towards the border. lets just say mexico is like a third worldcountry. the sites were beautiful but the people were sad. i mean really? u got things but u cant use it because its reserved for tourist. i felt bad until night fell and we all got drunk ,partying hard with some white kids from the o.c. some dude named chris gave us a bottle of patron and tequila withbags of lime. mann did we screw up that hotel. but that wasnt the height of the nite. maybe it was the fact my cuzin almost got raped. this chick had on nothing but a half tank top no bra and booty shorts. i knew ish was gonna happen i just felt it. for some reason i can smell danger from away. i told jide to watch out for his sister . we did and at the end of the day we ran back to our hotel and drank more out there. one of the cats from o.c was staying next door to us. my cuz was playing some retarted game and so we felt hey the chick gotta be aight wit this dude , wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. in order one hour she was screaming and the dude was yelling at her. Jide busted down the door and kicked his ass like bruce lee . for the first time i was happy we were related and i could say my cuzin will kick ur ass. his sis was like half naked and bleeding . we got ice and marisa and i and her sis gave the girl a bath.
the next day we cut our journey short and ran back to Los Angeles , either ways we got screwd when i got home i looked like a hot mess.my dad just sat down and said modupe its over . wat dat one means i dont know .

ONE WEDDING + GHETTO ASS MESS

mann so this has been a wacked up saturday , seriously , i crashed my cuzins wedding which was too die for, mann check out the hall and the church this chick spent like a cool millie on it. just saying. i mean the hall was just yelling out " a millie a millie a millie". so today i crashed San fernado valley and went to my cuz/big sis lol wedding . the mass was too long for crying out loud but the priest " God forgive me" was fine this sucker was like a cross breed of pharrell and boris kodjoe. but the thing that vexed me out of the whole thing was the fact that the bridesmaid outfit was overly ugly. this shittery fuck was like mami water outfit. those types witch people wear in nigeria movie. it felt like fucking mama mia all over again , all i needed was some hot guy, three men to play my wannabe father and we'll have a musical. i swear Bukki did this shit on purpose. and because i knew wat she had in mind. i called up my cuzs and told them to bring a cute outfit we will wear when the reception started. and yess maaaam we sure did. when got out of those hot ass mess and i rocked a phillip lim dress. and my other cuzins wore thier normal outfits and we changed. the bride was mad cuz when it came to picture taking we had different outfits. i didnt care cuz all i knew , was that i looked fly. shooooooot ur girl was getting jiggy with the homeboys. as in it was fun and cool until some chick busted into the hall and started yellin at my cuz chucks for lying to her about some shit . thing is this bitch found out where the wedding was only God knows how. i mean seriously u gotta give the homegirl some credit she tracked this sucker down. and when she came in was when the master of ceremony was talking about the bride and the groom. those typical nigerian talk before the eating of cake. this chick tequana or zakayi i dont even know but bitch over here had some ghetto ass name. this fucker came with an entourage. ghetto ass hoodrat rum smelling sweaty coochie entourage like she was gonna do something. this dude even had his suppose Gf with in on the table. eventually security took em out but the five mintues of ghetto language was so embrassing . i felt bad for the bride n groom even my aunts and uncles were like wtf. chucks whose is this girl. lol to make matters worse ol dude gon lie that he didnt know the girl. ya'll shud have seen his mom when she try to slap the shit outta him. funny stuffmann but that is something i wouldnt want on my wedding day. the party went on but i know that rite now as am typing this entry , every family is talking about todays event. chucks i know ur reading this blog. YOU FUCKED UP BIGTIME.

Blame it on the Aaaaaacohol

today has been just to hectic , am smelling finals like a few miles away and Lord knows am not ready for that crazy marathon. but few days ago my friends and i went out to just kick it at "Body" some kinda of club in the bay to be truthful am not sure the name is even body or belly only God knows. but the main point is we had fun and it was too much fun if u know what i mean. we got to the club and kicked it with the guys from Berkley , Rashad , hakeem , joshua and randy. randy looked like a perv noting more nothing less. this dude looked caca , no thats even giving him too much credit he look liked a cross breed of chewbacca and urkel , omg just thinking about him makes me wanna take a shit.

12:30 Am , my girls and i were half blazed and a little tippy. we danced to every song and even lipsync to Aqua barbie girl.

1:45 Am. we found ourselves in an apartment with other girl drinking vodka and cranberry in berkeley..

2:39 Am . i was a little tippy and lost track of time and joined in the fun .

although am very skinny, when it comes to alcohol i watch wat i drink and who gives me the drinks. this guy named randy or dandy kini ko ,kini ko i dont know him but the idiot came close to me and began grabbing and message my breast as in wtf. i didnt even know that shit was happeneing to me cuz i was already tired and just didnt care. this dude sat beside me while i laid my head on the couch and i was like " who da hell is touching me" and i turned around and slapped his face. the room went silent and laffter was caught in the air. this kids were really high. i drank a little but mann do i carry coffee with me in a small silver liqour bottle. i down that cold baby in 5 secs and was a little back to normal. i picked the girls up who were already singing mama mia , which am still trying to figure out how the song got into thier heads. i called the cab and after 35 mins drive we got back to our cribs and this kids threw up on my bed , bags , shoes and floor. i got tired and i finally gave up the spirit. i fell to the floor like i was saying " father accept me into ur kingdom" oh he did alrite cuz i slept like a babe and didnt remember shit until i woke up to a nasty foul smell my room was over fucked. no this shit was anal fucked. mybed was messy , weaves were on the floor my beloveth bags were screwed up including my new stephen sprouse. which i just got. and these heffahs were still sleeping on my bed. i woke them up with a baptism they will never forget. thank God for cold water stored in the fridge.

3 pm the next day.

By the time everything was clear and the dust was gone , sherry found out she had two american express credit cards missing. B's wallet was completly gone and April's stephen sprouse green scarf was no longer on her neck. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Sherry called her banks and credit cards , but as for B's wallet too bad. this chick had a cool 300 dollars in there and lots of gift cards from her bday in Febuary.

as for me i didnt lose anything thankfully. i dont play with my purses , hell naw. that baby is under my armpit 24/7.

DOWNLOW BROTHERS ARE ALSO NIGERIANS OOOOOOO!!!!

I havent been in the bay for quite some time. no be my fault i no get money. but when i do go out to the city , it is crazy ,guys tryin to holla at you with the wackest lines ever. i remember one some guy used on me last week.

ME ( dancing to Xproject lori le)

Mongo Park : hallos sweeties , you are looking very detectable

ME: Excuse me but am not intrested

this is what majority of nigerian girls receive at every functions they go to. half baked educated wanna be niggas that cant even speak english let alone ibonic. the ones who are educated with degrees and good earning job. haaaaaaaaaaa problem dey oooooo, these ones have hidden agenda the thing pass agenda sef. which brings me to my next story.

A nigerian couple with three children , the dude is a lawyer and the wife is just a low life God forgive me but from peoples description about her ; she is your typical young nigerian housewife who just sits at home and order teriyaki chicken. her husband is some lawyer or either in the legal bizz. after almost 6 years of marriage mongo park began having sneaky late night work shift. although the wife is said to be lazy and dull the woman was smart enough to do her own investigation. she began tracking him down to everything he did leading her to her worst nightmare. about four months ago her investigation lead her to the hotel the husband was using. i tell people everyday if u look for something thats not finding you ur gonna regret.

of course she busted the door like jackie chan and there on the bed with another man was her husband. HER HUSBAND WAS A FREAKING DOWNLOW. i heard the woman collapsed inside the room and his lover and her husband called the AMB. the only update i have is the woman left the husband and is now filing for divorce. sad and pityful. women know the men that are toasting you oooooooo. i rather take an ibonic mongo park than some educated downlow brother whose aint trying to come out closet but will use u as a cover up.

Naija girls and bags. abi na gucci or fendi?

Babez abeg no vex oooooooo i went on a soliloquy if u dont know what dat one means abeg check dictionary. i needed some time off to find myself. i find Jesus tire , infact na Budda na im i see ooooo. am still searching lol. but lets get down to bizzness mann this past three months or lemme say four has been crazy see story flying everywhere it will really take almost one month to give the gist infact am dedicating this month and may on dishing out the gist oooooo. the first one is babes with obession of bags.

Growing up in yankee i always knew designer bags were the things girls wanted to carry, abi na lie?. infact a certain bag connected u with certain peeople and clicks. carry correct bag and nice outfit u don turn v.i.p be dat ooooooooo. in the states i knew shit was gonna pop hello people get four jobs so money dey. the one dats bothering or buttering my body is the naija babes that are shelling out gucci , louie and even dior. as in fake dey but nna mehn no be money u dey take bye fake.

my Cousin the other day called me on how chicks in abuja are going crazy oooooo. mhhhh see people hi-jacking bags like its hot moi-moi and akara. apparently rite now the louis vuitton damier azur is no longer in fashion in some areas in Abuji . can u imagine? me dat is here sucking up and sweet talking allowance money to bye damier azur , the bag is now old fashion. bag wey i wan knack for summer when i go lagos. the girl gist me on how some chick on campus was made fun of for her louis vuitton. the one dat is concerning me and i know u guys are asking the same question is how are they bying this bags. fake or no fake real or no real is money. as in i go to sites like bellanaija.com and am seeing all these chicks with new new bags were never reach market sef. na wa ooooooooooo i guess some of them are lucky with either sugar daddy or rich husbands or product of a rich man and gold digging wife aka (pikin). neways devil shud bend the necks of those yeye fools dat said damier azur is old fashion. cuz me , hen!!!!!!!! july reach am carrying my damier azur gm to nigeria.

WHICH AM I A DRUGGIE OR A SHOPAHOLIC ?

I just read ovay-wests' blog , i love it , its cute ans chique. as i scrolled down to read more thoughts from the young lady , i noticed a list of items she set herself to get or maybe just lists of things she desired. it reminded me of me being 15 , yess oooo am not 15 . Sidenote i do love the fact i can change my age range just wearing a pair of Chloe baby clothes and jimmy choos flat hehehe . End of sidenote.

yes at fifteen i made a list of things i wanted , Louis and more Louis . i don't understand what makes the bags special , but its like one buy from them and your hooked. and i know people reading this article have the same opinion with or have thought about it. i remember buying my first Louis vuitton in high school for a birthday gift. i got the denim the cute little barrel liked figure with two press up locks in front.

boy was i happy. i believed that was the best day of my life. shit i even kissed the weird boy that liked me for years. and my mom made me promise never to bother her with buying another Louis. am now ........ years old and i already own seven of them. i dont know whose hurting more my mom or my credit card billy. yea yea dont try asking urself who da hell is billy i give names to my credit cards lol. i have bought bags of different types but none drag an unwanted attention like a Louis vuitton. i obsessed over it , i crave for it. i got money from my old folks 850 to buy books cuz my course am doing books are a killah price. you dont even wanna know what i did with the money.

what do i really gain in the bags i buy , is any one even asking the question. i met Marc Jacobs once in Frisco while i was back in campus , cute guy and very cheerful and quick to love. he did say thanks for buying the bags. my friend told him i was obsessed with his collections. and maybe if i didn't have some uncalled diarrhea that made me leave the party , i would have sparked a friendship that will benefit me. each bag i get gives me a rush or some kind of high. i feel like the crackhead from Dave chappelle , Tyrone biggums " officer can i pls have some redballs , mmmmmmmmmmmmh cocaine in the can , it gives you wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings". i feel no less than the man out doors scratching his neck and trying to sniff a marker. gush do i feel disgusted. the question is am i gonna stop ? naaaaaaaaah i doubt it. i do get money from my old folks so the credit card bills get paid immediately but how am i gonna survive when i graduate , and my parents pass away after i get older. will every of my paycheck go to Marcy Marc and his designs ? today is January 20th and am going to get that Sueded thingamajig i saw in the Louis store.

self confidence is a gift , most people dont have

As a woman , if is one thing i can not stand is a man laying fingers on a woman, i dont care if its a brother towards a sister , father towards daughter or wife. there is no excuse for a man to lay hands on a woman. now dont get me wrong hey aint nothing wrong with the parents spanking the child when he or she misbehaves but i mean giving punches and throw downs like kimball is no joke.

my cousin will be going back to New York on Monday night so she made me go shopping with her this past weekend. i do love to shop but ur babez is flat broke when i say broke am talking about broke back mountain. shit am this close to selling my old louis vuitton trevi just to buy some damn pierre hardy shoes. this recession is really biting my ass and me no likey. but the point of the story is we went to the mall and from there we were gonna crash kitson in rodeo since home girl works there ( 15% discount does not hurt the pocket).

after me and Bunmi bought our things we sited some couple , probably our age range having thier little argument. i was like awwwwwwwwww aint that cute ( they gon have foreplay after that) SIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! before i finished my joke they moved towards the packing lot under the mall building. apparently they were leaving and was going the same directions. my brothas and sistas see me wahala this guy was abusing the girl like she was his slave or some omo-do that he bought withhis hard earned money.Bunmi and i didnt want to inteferre but my instinct told me this guy was gonna do more. i no say i be witch or fortune teller but the guy did. GBOZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! this guy gave her a slap. mann i aint never seen a chick take a slap and survive and i got extra mad . i charged my eyes turned red like fire. my cuz was like babez leave em its not our bizzness. this guy kept on hitting her and i yelled heeeyyyyyyyyy pick someone ur own size. the fucker turned around and cursed me out i was like fuck this mann he about to get a beat down like no tommorow. i walked over to this dude brought out my extra spicy pepper spray and my right hand had my tasser gun. shit i was armed and dangerous. " i said leave the girl alone or u gonna get it " my uncle is a police my cuzin down there got ur licence plate so u pick ur next move wisely". the guy backed out and got into his car and the girl dey beg the guy. mannn no had feelings some women stupid ooooo. no self esteem. the girl was begging him and heffah started yelling at me. i was like wtf , i turned around to make sure this wasnt some movie set i mistakely crashed and i didnt know about or maybe i was on punk or some secret t.v show like the hills but instead it would be called WWE packing lot smack down. we left the girl and i said to myself. this people dey craze oooooooo. which kin love be that one , i no say foreplay dey but this foreplay don pass fore oooo this na mack5 . kini , mann i wish a man will lay his hands on me and then ill beg him to take me back. nna mann reasons like this is why i thank God am Nigerian to the full blown marrow. nonsense. neways we left oooo and as am typing am still in shock cuz God knows what she see's in dat man , fine is not in him maybe his the porshe he drove that was shacking her. Like my Grandma will say OLOWU -MAJE. its not our portion